Daily Jokes

Politically Correct Descriptions Of Women

 

1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK – She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
2. She is not a SCREAMER or a MOANER – She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
3. She is not EASY – She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
4. She is not DUMB – She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
5. She has not BEEN AROUND – She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
6. She is not an AIR HEAD – She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
7. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY – She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
8. She is not HORNY – She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
9. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS – She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
10. She is not a SLUT – she is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.

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Football Player Joke

Coach Bowden was talking to the newest player on the team. “It’s fantastic the way you strike the line, dodge, tackle and weave through your opponents.”

 

Luke was a shy fellow, but blurted out, “I suppose it all comes from early training, sir. You see, my mom used to take me shopping with her on sale days.”

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Limerick

There once was a fellow named Trete,

Who from birth was inclined to be neat.

He became extra fussy

When he thought his pants mussy,

And would throw them away in the street.

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Mae West Quote

“Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution yet.”

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Blonde Swimming Joke

A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition.

 

The brunette came in first and the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted.

 

After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked: “I don’t want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms.”

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Lawyer Joke

A very very rich gentleman dies,leaving his fortune to his only living friends, a Doctor, a CEO, and a Lawyer. But being the eccentric he was, his will stipulated that each one must place their third of the money in his coffin before he is put in his final resting place.

 

The funeral comes and goes. Over a year later the three friends are talking over lunch and the topic of the old man and his strange ways comes into the conversation.

 

The Doctor finally says “I have to be honest, I didn’t place ALL of the money into his coffin, I kept five million”.

 

Then the CEO states “Well, I have to admit that I too kept some of the cash. Ten million to be exact”.

 

The Lawyer glares at the two and says “I am ASHAMED of you two, I wrote a check for the FULL amount!”

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Source :  Jokes